I Was Her Angel
by IaMaFaLlEnDaRkAnGeL
Summary: Basically a Spashley Walk To Remember, will hopefully do it justice. Let me know what you think. Disclaimer: Don't own SoN or A Walk To Remember.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, so this is my first South of Nowhere Fan Fiction and I'm really going to try to make it a great story because they are so many awesome ones already, that i'm like addicted to, but anyways the storyline will be similar to that of A Walk To Remember a brilliant film so let me know what you think. **

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**I Was Her Angel.**

Chapter one. 

December 2020.

I had come back to my first original home, the home of the Davies. The place the little Ashley Davies was born. I was born in Beaufort, North Carolina, a place where I always thought the air always smelled of pine and sea salt. It's a beautiful place with it's vast view of the coastlines. It's a small coastal town, by a harbour on which fishermen spend many days and nights crabbing the Neuse River, something I didn't spend a lot of time doing. It was filled with a happiness and the hustle and bustle of everyday life, now though it seems quiet and empty.

When I lived here, there were eighteen churches within the town limits alone. While the ocean may be the focus of daily labour, churches have always tried to be the focus of life. From each corner, four churches face each other. The Fellowship Hall Christian Church, the Church of the Forgiven People, the Church of Sunday Atonement, and All Saints Church. They all sponsored pancake breakfasts, rummage sales, car washes, and softball games. None of which interested me at all I was only here for one reason.

I drove my Porsche past a rummage sale and looked at all the people scurrying around too busy to even appreciate someone was watching, envying them. You'd think that all the people here were friendly, welcoming, open-hearted, that money, family background, race, sexual orientation didn't matter. But they did matter. They mattered to everyone. Except Spencer Carlin.

I turned and slowed in front of the huge Southern Baptist church. I reached out to adjust my side mirror, looking at my simple gold wedding band.

I turned my car into a driveway just past the church and head for a cluster of buildings. Behind the buildings, is the house right by the cemetery. I go up the walkway and onto the front porch. I press the doorbell and am greeted by the nurse that opens the door. I entered quietly, respectfully, of course I wasn't always like this I was a rebel until I fell for her, she changed me in ways I couldn't even of imagined.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two.

November 1985.

The rock music drifted out through open doors of the local students hang. Brains, preps, richest, heavy metals, jocks, punk rockers, Goths, geeks.

Mixing without mixing. Most are red-eyed, woozy, wasted. I was the local criminal me and my gang we were the ones that were missing from that crowd, but not for long.

"Where is he? He's supposed to be here." I shouted aggravated.

"I need to whiz." Aiden's skinny, high-energy leg always jiggling.

"Aiden. You're such a hummingbird." I said turning to Kelly when she asked if I wanted to dance. My girlfriend. The rich princess, a bad-girl pretender always wore big shoulder pads, a Jelly bracelet and a Swatch watch I gave her for her birthday last year.

"So go dance."

"With you." She stated. There was no way I was dancing.

"I. Don't. Dance." I walked outside to my car of course Aiden, Kelly and Clay simply followed me there.

I plonked myself down on the front seat motioning for Kelly to sit on my lap.

We chatted, drank and smoked weed when the teachers were busy elsewhere or had just turned their backs but I found myself looking out at out at the night. Then I see her.

"Spencer Carlin"

Everyone looks up. Everyone laughs.

She was a pale, contemplative girl, 17, is heading towards the car, caught in the headlights. Wearing clothes she probably made herself; long blonde hair hiding her face. She lives in her mind, not her body.

"Brain." "Bible freak." "Cherry" The insults came and yet she still approached us.

Hearing the laughter, she gathered herself and came to my window, her sneakers crunching in the gravel. She crossed her brown sweater across her

chest.

"Hey. Hi. Your lights. Any chance you could... turn them off." She asked politely.

"God give you this road?" Kelly asked from beside me.

"No"

"Then we'll be keeping the lights on." I faced Spencer cockily.

"If you want the lights off, I'll turn them off."

And I did. Darkness.

"Thank you. Thank you so very much."

She backed away from the car, grateful.

"Thank you. Thank you so very much." Kelly was imitating Spencer while Aiden and Clay laughed.

But I was looking at Spencer. Almost counting the seconds.

I quickly flicked the high beams. Kelly, Aiden, and Clay snicker and snort as they see Spencer, startled, paused at the top. But instead of looking bullied, her face shows determination, humour even. A moment later, she jumps down on the far side and disappears.

"What's she doing in there?" I asked out loud.

"Nothing I'd be doing." Kelly said suggestively.

Laughter. I kissed her, hard, with tongue.

A blinding white light dances through the car and settles on us.

"Shit!"

I got out of the car and looked up at the fence. Spencer was sitting on top, holding a large mirror, reflecting the headlights back into the car.

My annoyance turns to mild respect.


	3. Chapter 3

Next morning after getting caught by the police for speeding and having beer underage, I was called to the principals office, nothing unusual there.

"Like you'd make it to June. Even cutting half your classes, you have a B- average." He sounded amazed

" I'm no dummy."

" That's right. You just act like one."

On his desk, he places the empty bottles out of the Porsche.

"Those aren't mine."

"They came from your car."

"I wasn't the one drinking."

Kelly holds up the police test finding. Shit!

"Your blood alcohol level. Maybe you were legally in the clear, but make the rules here."

"You expelling me?"

"No unfortunately your parents pay too much to keep you here."

I head out but as I do the door opens. Spencer Carlin enters with her father, the tall stern reverend Arthur Carlin. Her eyes meet mine as she passes by.

"You expelled, too?"

Nobody laughs or even smiles.

I walked out swearing angrily about the punishment I was given of janitorial services after school, helping out with under privileged kids on a Saturday, and I had to join the drama club!

I was sweeping the floor during the Star Club open house. A dozen nerds, including Spencer Carlin (wearing her brown sweater), stand at astronomy exhibits. Students wander in, listen, look.

" Saturn's 15 degrees to the right of red Antares and much brighter."

To her small audience, she holds up a contraption made from a wire coat hanger.

"This is a very simple device made from a coat hanger, plastic wrap and typewriter correction fluid. Does anyone know what it is?"

No one does.

Only I do. "A star frame." Barely audible.

But Spencer hears. She regards me a moment, then kept going.

"This is a star frame."

Clay and Aiden enter, checking on me, glancing at her.

"A star frame will help you locate stars and planets with your naked eye"

"Did God create the sun?" Clay asked

"Yes, God created the universe and all its physical laws. Even Einstein said it's a miracle that our world is comprehensible."

"If God can do all that, why can't he get you a new sweater?" Aiden said laughing.

I laughed loudly. Members of the club looked at me.

"That was a joke. Laugh." I said to her

She smiles. She can laugh at herself and she seems to find me funny.

Finishing up my shift at the centre I went home. Seeing my mum in the kitchen, I go to help her set up for dinner.

"Your father dropped off an extra check."

"I don't want his money."

"It could help with a new car"

"I like the car I have."

I pick up the envelope with wet hands. Without looking inside, rip it in half. I see my that my mum smiles, quietly happy.

---------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning and I'm tutoring this kid Luis explaining about fractions. Luis shrugs. Luis looks down at the book as if for the answer, then at me, hopeless. He gets up and walks off. I look up in disbelief and catch Spencer

studying me. She's at a nearby table with her student.

I jump on the bus home since I cant drive having been found with alchol in my car. Only to find Spencer sitting there. And no vacant seats except next to her.

"You going to visit Harold?"

What-who is she talking about?

"They let him out of the hospital yesterday. He's in a rest home on Oak Street.

That old man.

"He goes to my father's church. He could've died….

I cut her off "This your idea of small talk?"

"I don't make small talk"

" Obviously."

"I just wanted to tell you not to give up. Sometimes you've got to back into the teaching from somewhere else."

She waits for a response that she wasn't going to get but she continued. "What makes you volunteer? (pause) "Want to know why I tutor reading?"

Not really. God, boring!

"Because, growing up, books were my world."

" Were?" I said meanly.

" You don't know me."

" Your book and your brown sweater and your hair. What's more to know?"

" I wear the sweater because I'm cold. I read because no one talks to me. My hair is my hair. What is it exactly that's bothering you?"

" You don't care what people say?"

"You mean care what you say? I'm worrying about other things."

" Like what? The moons of Jupiter?"

" Can't you have a normal conversation?"

" I don't want to have any conversation."

" Good, because talking to you is like trying to explain red to a blind person."

I had to admit this girl had guts. I liked guts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, thanks for the reviews everyone, much appreciated. Hope you like.

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After a mildly entertaining conversation on the bus there she was again, drama club, was there anywhere I could go where she wasn't?

I plonked myself down showing how lame this all was. When we were given a script and asked to read the lines. I had to be some guy called Starbuck and guess who was playing Lizzie, the other person in the script? You guessed it, Spencer!

"I hope your dreams come true." I said in character

Spencer as Lizzie "They won't."

"Believe in yourself and they will. Let me ask you, Lizzie. Look in the mirror? Are you pretty?" I asked not changing the tones in m voice at all when Ms Garber interrupted.

"Ashley, are you trying to be bad at this?"

"No, it just comes naturally." The class snigger.

Spencer smiles. Garber taps her script "continue."

"It's got to be inside you. Then one day the mirror will be the eyes of the man who loves you. You'll look in that mirror and you'll be more than pretty. You'll be beautiful."

Ms. Garber eyes me, motioning to keep going. "Look at me. Tell me what you see!'

As Lizzie, Spencer looked straight into my eyes. "Is it really me?"

"Yes. You're-you're b-b- beautiful."

Hoots and laughter. Spencer looked away, humiliated.

"Quiet!" Ms Garber yelled. "Ashley, will play the role of Bill Starbuck."

Groans and hoots among the boys. Spencer looked horrified. Hell, so was I!

"No way. No thanks. I can't do it"

"You can and you will, Miss Davies" I heard principle Kelly say from back stage. Kelly had been standing in the wings. "With all the sincerity and dignity you can muster." Everyone was looking at me.

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I head outside for a cigarette; I step outside to find it chucking it down when Spencer appears out of nowhere.

"You're like this fly, buzzing everywhere"

"This play means a lot to me."

I snorted "This play?"

"I know you don't suck at acting."

I laughed. Refusing to take her seriously. Behind me I see the lights go out as the school closes for the night.

"But you have to make it a big deal because only dorks and weenies like doing theatre"

"What are you going on about?"

Pause.

"I can judge too."

I breathed out slowly, eyeing her, daring her.

"You don't care about classes or graduating. But you like school because you're popular and you know you'll never be on top again."

"That's deep"

"Your act only works with an audience."

"My act?!"

She walks off toward her father's old Pontiac. The last car in the parking lot. I look about. No one, no ride. I see the Pontiac backing out of a parking spot.

I bang on the side of her car as she drives past.

"A ride?! Please! We can talk about your helping me with my lines?"

I jump in Spencer at the wheel. "I know you don't want help."

"Then we both know. I'll point. You drive. Faster."

She jerks the car across the centre lane. Driving on the wrong side of the road. I grabbed the dash.

"What the?!"

"So you agree you need help?" Was she insane?

I saw headlights looming, a car coming. Closer and closer.

"Yes!"

She swings the Pontiac back to the right lane. Smiling. A car zips by in the other direction, horn blaring.

"Really?"

I decide to drop the attitude" Yeah. Kelly will make me leave if I screw up the play."

"28 and 42." She said to herself

"What's with the frigging numbers?"

"28 is do something illegal. 42 is to befriend an enemy."

"I'm an enemy?"

"Kinda. Yeah."

"You got some kind of list?"

"Are you asking to mock me or do you really want to know?" truth was I did want to know.

"Maybe a little of both."

We both smiled.

"I'll take a chance. It's like a to-do list, but for my life."

I smirked. How stupid.

"If you can't imagine the future, you won't have one."

I lit a cigarette. She reaches for it.

"Having a cigarette. 100." I joked.

She grins and takes a drag. We shared the cigarette.

"So what else is on this list?"

"It's private."

"You want to tell me…" I could be persuasive. I felt her eye me "Get very wasted. Lose your virginity" Guessing

"No spend a year in the Peace Corps… Make a medical discovery… Be two places at once... learn to hit a baseball or turn a cartwheel... eat breakfast with chopsticks…"

I liked the frivolity of these.

"What's…? Number one?" I was intrigued now

She looks away, embarrassed.

"If you want help with your lines, I have two conditions. You have to promise not to fall in love with me.

I'm certain she's joking. I mean was she gay too? Even is she was like I'd fall in love with her….

"No problem"

"And you have to meet my father."

I looked at her like she's crazy to "Fathers love me."


	5. Chapter 5

I walked up to the door, swinging open. Reverend Carlin looming tall.

I give a cheery little wave. "Hey. Ashley Davies." I offered my hand. The Reverend shakes reluctantly, eyeing me closely: Looking at my Army boots, torn jeans, tight black dirty t-shirt.

"You're in the play?"

"Lead man." Remaining polite.

Spencer slides out the door. She looks good in jeans and a white t-shirt. Almost normal. The Reverend gestures toward the open front door.

I poke around, then stare at a photo of little girl Spencer with her parents. Looking up, aware that the Reverend is studying me closely.

"You know our planet would not suffer for one nanosecond if humans died off. But if ants disappeared, that would be catastrophic."

The Reverend waits, letting me suffer the silence.

"Apropos of nothing... so. So….." My confidence seriously lacking.

"Let's get something straight. You don't know me. I don't know you. But I know what you're about…… Keep your distance from this house, From Spencer."

His eyes lock with mine.

"I miss anything?" Thank you Spencer.

We practised our lines and I left a little while later, not before we had arranged to meet that night though. I wanted to know what this girl had up her sleeve, she was starting to get under my skin a little and I didn't mind one bit.

I was waiting when Spencer appeared. "This way." She led me toward the cemetery rear gate.

"People think I'm strange, don't they?"

"Yes." I admitted smiling.

"Because I try to be nice to people?"

" Yeah. Maybe. I dunno."

" Do you think I'm strange?"

Pause. I was caught off-guard by her frankness.

" Yeah. But that can be good."

Spencer quickly scales the fence. I go right after her.

" Why are we here?"

She drops down and gets out a flashlight.

" Cuz it's dark and quiet and you can see into another world."

" The world of the dead?"

" Could be… My mother's buried near here."

"My father's alive but it's like he's dead." I had no clue why I admitted that to her but I just did.

She looked at me almost feeling my sorrow, then unlocks a storage shed a minute later out she caame carrying several pieces of an odd-looking home-made cylindrical device.

" What is that?"

"That is my telescope." she said setting it up letting me look through it.

" Saturn. Beautiful." I could see it and it really was.

"Before Voyager we expected maybe a dozen rings"

" But there are thousands of them, made of floating ice.

"Maybe debris from a moon that broke apart."

" Or building blocks for a world that never formed."

She looked at me. i smiled, embarrassed. "I'm not smart. Just a sponge."

She smiles, disagreeing, then looks through the telescope and changes its view.

"Sometimes I come here and just scan the heavens."

" Looking for intelligent life?"

" Looking for something -- someone."

Pause. I didn't know what to say.

" Do you believe you'll see your mother again?"

" I hope so. I think maybe she sees me now."

Our eyes meet. She looks away. Changes the subject.

" I'm building a larger one to see the nucleus of Haley's Comet."

" The dirty snowball at its core."

" Yeah. I'm probably not going to be around next time it comes."

" In 76 years, me neither." I think she likes that i know a little about astronomy.

"You're really into God, right?"

" In ten words or less?"

" Yeah."

" My relationship with God is my own."

" But you think about it. Him? Her?"

"Don't you?"

" Not really."

Pause. I didn't know why I could talk to her like this. I just could it felt right.

" When you do, how do you?"

" Like in a church painting. I see this giant hovering over the ground. He's wearing a robe, and has long flowing hair, and he's pointing his finger at something."

" Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do?"

" No."

" I know there's a plan for everyone, but sometimes I don't understand what the message is or what the point is."

"There is no point. You live. You die. The end."

" Maybe we're not supposed to understand, but we're supposed to have faith that someone else sees the big picture."

" Then you have to believe to have faith."

" You don't believe in anything?"

" The Bible? Why should I read a bunch of dumb stories about some ancient guy who supposedly worked miracles. Everything in it says it's wrong to be the way I am."

"So the rumours are true then? You are gay?"

"Yeah, that bother you little miss faith?" My defences ready to jump back up.

"No I am." She looked straight at me. "I'm not afraid of you. I like you"

" Likewise."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorrry it's taken so long to update, i moved, got a new car and everythings been chaos lol but on with the story. Alo momo thanks for the advise hope this chapters better, let me know :)**

**Will try to update at least once a day. Don't forget to R&R and let me know what you think! :)**

We drove back in a comfortable silence, I dropped her back home and watched her enter the front door, and taking one last look to make sure she got in ok I see her smiling back at me. I head home and flop onto my bed, dreary. Flipping through the channels on my TV, past "Square Pegs," "Miami Vice," MTV, to a British nature documentary. After a moment, I got bored and searched for a pen & paper. I titled it "Life List." Pause. I didn't know what to write. I gave up, slammed the piece of paper down and went to sleep thinking of what I could write on that goddamn piece of paper.

I woke up early the next morning and drove into school radio blasting out John Fogerty's "Rock and Roll Girls." My friends greeted me.

"Women are definitely evolving into men." Aiden stated. Random start to a conversation but he usually made me laugh so I went with it.

"The moustaches on some girls, unbelievable. Hey, why is Spencer Carlin staring at us?" Clay said I looked over my shoulder following his eye line and see she is defiantly staring straight at me.

They all looked. They all laughed.

"She wants to jump Ashley's bones. That is so pitiful." Aiden sneered. "She's coming over here..."

"Heart be still." I joked.

They laugh more and she's there. "Hi"

I look up at her as she shifts from foot to foot, confused as to why I'm not answering her. Her brow furrowed together. "The play is going to be really good."

"I'm really glad you think so." I said in a sarcastic tone, I didn't know why, when I was around my friends I couldn't help it. She looked at them, then back to me.

"I guess you don't want to practice lines tonight." She said still staring straight at me.

"You guessed right." I saw hurt flash across her face and I immediately felt guilty. With one last funny look she walked away a better person than me and she knows I knew it.

I knew I had to practise those lines though and I knew I should apologise. I went straight to her house thinking about what I was going to say. I rang the doorbell. Spencer opened the front door. A stern voice came from the living room. Reverend Carlin's.

"Better not be the Davies girl."

Spencer shuts the door.

I can't believe this. I pressed the bell again.

"Spencer… Open up…Open the door. Please………….Reverend Sullivan, I have to talk to your daught—" I didn't get to finish when the door flung back open to reveal a very angry looking Spencer.

"What is your problem?" She walked out so she was now standing in the front yard.

"You're not in a very good mood." I tried to lighten the mood but she was having none of it.

"You don't miss a thing."

I walked towards her down off the porch. "The plays in a couple of weeks."

"Yes. And?"

"I was hoping we could run lines together." I wished she would forget about earlier but I guess it didn't come true.

"Oh. Just not at school..."

"Yeah –" I wanted to say no but I wouldn't here the end of it from Aiden and the others.

"Or anywhere where people might see us." I saw the sadness in her eyes and I hated it. I quickly tried to come up with an excuse.

"Kelly's a very jealous person."

"That would be the reason." I think she might be going for this.

"So it's like you want to be secret friends."

"That's it! Exactly! You're reading my mind…"

Her facial expression went from interested back to rage in two point three seconds "Then maybe you can read mine." She walked up the porch steps, went in the front door, and opened it. Before she went in she turned back to me. "I thought I saw something in you, something good. But I was wrong."

I walked slowly back to my car "Why do you have to be so weird?!" I shouted at the now closed front door. Just then front door opened, scaring me half to death. It was Spencer's Dad, the Reverend, red-faced with fury. I glared back, letting him know that he didn't scare me nobody scares Ashley Davies. I drove home thinking about the day's events feeling ashamed.

I was watching another British nature show, this one on astronomy. I reached for my school yearbook flipping through the pages until I find Spencer's photo. She's smiling and looks almost cute. Listed under her photo are clubs: Red Cross, Stars and Planets, Drama.

Next to that, Ambition: To Witness a Miracle.

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	7. Chapter 7

Next day Aiden and me were shooting some hoops when I kept seeing Spencer glance over from her picnic table where she works with her student, Isabel. I look at her, she looks away, and I look back, Thinking, watching her but not staring. I see her stand and go in the direction of the drama club, knowing it was time for rehearsal I followed suit.

From stage right, Spencer makes her entrance as Lizzie. A collective gasp from the audience. She was wearing makeup, a dress that clings, her hair pulled back. I can't take my eyes off her.

(As Lizzie) "Morning, Pop. Boys. I dreamed we had a rain, rain coming down in sheets! Lightning flashed, thunder rolled up and down the canyon like a kid with a big drum!" ignoring the laughter from my so-called friends she continued "I know why you sent me to Sweet River. There were six boys in that family. The first three days, I stayed in my room."

(Boy playing Noah, the brother) "What'd you do that for?"

The play continued as I watched her, nearing my scene. I step to onto the stage trying to get into my role as Starbuck. I look Spencer straight in her bright blue eyes.

"You'll look in that mirror and you'll be more than pretty. You'll be beautiful. Look at me. Tell me what you see!"

"Is it really me?" Her face was lovely, her eyes shining, radiating, and looking directly at me. I felt a strange longing for it to be real and not part of the play.

"'Yes…you're beautiful." I meant it.

I changed the line and nailed it, surprising myself. Surprising her. At that moment I knew we both knew it was sincere. A moment passes. I felt my stomach churn with anticipation.

I leant in. She closed her eyes as our lips met in a kiss. It was gentle and soft but full of meaning, more importantly it was genuine. When Spencer opened her eyes, they are filled with tears.

The curtain crashes down to mark the end of the scene.

There was clapping from the other side of the curtain. I tried to meet Spencer's gaze but she was looking at the floor.

I heard someone shout my name and turned to see my misfit dad, dressed from head to toe in black, piercings, tattoos and chains hanging off him. That's the rock and roll look though isn't it? I think he looks like an idiot but that's what you get when your from a really world famous rock band like purple venom.

"Fine performance." Like he watched it.

"Who invited you?" I said venomously.

"Ed Kelly. I thought we might get a bite –"

I cut him off "Not hungry."

I moved towards my car hearing him shout after me. "Ashley! Please. Don't walk away from me."

"Like you walked away from us?" Enraged I got into my car and drove off. No way was I forgiving him, he walked out, left us for some life as a big major rock star. How could he do that to his own family? I fell to sleep thinking about all that happened today and the kiss, god that kiss…

At school I approached my friends and over heard them saying about Spencer calling her a puritan and that she had mutant ideas.

"She's not. She's got her own ideas." It had slipped out but I'm glad it did. I saw them exchange a look as if to say am I defending her? Aiden took me to the side.

"Kelly is telling everyone that kiss was real." He said shocked.

"It was." I wasn't going to lie.

Aiden smirked in disbelief. That you're scamming on Spencer Carlin?"

"Scamming is a strong word." I wasn't going to deny it either. I walked away over to Spencer's locker.

Waiting when Spencer approached her locker. Her hair pulled back. She looks good in a simple, fresh way.

"You weren't in school yesterday." I didn't mean for it to sound like I was accusing but I think it kind of did.

"I went to the doctor with my father." Her face showed her concern.

"He okay?" I didn't like the guy but I didn't wish bad things for him. Or her.

"Healthy as can be."

Pause. She opens her locker, gets what she needs.

"You were great the other night."

"Thank you. So were you." She was unusually quiet.

Pause. I reached out to try to tuck her stray hair away from her face but she ducked.

"I haven't been nice to you."

"You're hardly nice to anyone."

"I'm sorry." I looked in her eyes and tried to show her how sincere I was being.

"I wish I could believe you." She said while walking away. Damn, this was frustrating.

I followed her to the cafeteria where Spencer sat alone reading, wearing her old brown sweater. My friends call to me but I ignore them and put my tray down on her table and sit. Making a public statement. She looked up her eyes burning into mine.

"People can see."

"And that would ruin your reputation how?"

She goes back to her book. Ignoring me.

"What's that?" Trying to start a conversation with her.

She doesn't look up she just shows me the spine: The Scarlet Letter.

"That on your 'Life List.' To read all these books?"

She doesn't deny it. I just dive in. "Spencer. Maybe I want to try being positive." She looks up examining my face for the truth. I had to tell her, be honest for once. "Maybe I miss doing that dumb play with you. Maybe you inspire me."

"That sounds like horseshit."

"It's not." I said earnestly.

"Prove it." She picks up her books and tray. Everyone was watching.

I followed Spencer out of the building. Catching up. "Spencer…"

"You lack honour. You lack compassion. You lack honesty. You lack humanity. You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend" Talk about a blow to the ego.

"I don't want to be just your friend!" She turned to face me looking into my eyes as if searching for something.

"You don't know what you want"

"I want you!" I practically screamed. "You know what I think your scared, scared that I might actually like you, because then you couldn't hide behind your books and your telescope and your sweater and your God."

She gets into her car. Slams the door and drove off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey thanks to everyone still reading don't forget to review :) Here's the next update.**

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Next morning I stand and I wait for Spencer by her locker, she smiles when she sees me look at her and I'm pretty sure I look like the Cheshire cat smiling right back.

"So you're talking to me?"

"When I have something to say." I laugh at her sarcasm.

"What's number one on your list? My number one would be getting out of Beaufort."

"Getting out won't be your problem. It'll be figuring out what you want when you get somewhere." She walks away.

"What does that mean?!"

Turning back "It means you can do anything."

I smiled, not sure why she believes in me, but I'm glad she does.

I decide to get her a little something, it was nearly Christmas and I wanted to thank her for all that she had done recently too. Maybe I should get her a cardigan? I laugh to myself at my idea.

I walked up the porch steps and knocked on the door, both Spencer and her dad answered. I smiled politely and held out the present for Spencer, ignoring the death glares from Reverend Carlin. "It's a present. Take it."

She does. She opens the bag, pulls out a beautiful pink sweater I had shopped for two hours to get her. I could tell she was overwhelmed. Without a word, just a happy smile, I hopped down the steps toward my car. Calling back "Merry Christmas! And to all a good night!"

I feel happy, a lot happier than I have in a long while for the first time in ages I woke up refreshed and feeling good. I got out of bed and looked out of my window to see Spencer walking up to my house, I dress and go downstairs. "Hey"

"Hey, Why are you doing all this? To impress me?"

"No." Ok I was but I'm not going to tell her that, Ashley Davies has not gone soft! "But are you impressed?" She smiles the most brilliant smile, it lights up her whole face. I loved making her smile. "New Year's Eve. Would you go out with me?!" It came out rushed but she heard and turned around, surprised.

"Yes. But not as a date date."

"Why not?" Didn't she like me?

"I'm not allowed to date." She smiles and gets in her car.

Well not allowed to date we can work around, just permission from her father would be the hard part. After much convincing and apologising I got that approval.

A few days later Spencer and I were at seafood joint on the waterfront Quaint, not fancy. Twinkle lights illuminate her face.

"I can't believe you asked my father's permission."

"I wanted this to be a date." I was proud I could do this for her.

After we finished eating I picked up the bill and we headed to what I had planned next. "Before we do this, I just want to say that a good life's got to be more than achieving stuff like on your list." She waits for more. "It's about working with what you already have -- right now – at your fingertips -- you know, spontaneously."

"What are you talking about?" She did look confused bless.

"Fun!" I shouted when we arrived at the batting cage.

Spencer was in the cage with a helmet on. While a machine tossed balls. I coached from outside.

"Swing! Keep your bat parallel to the ground. Follow through. Follow through!"

Spencer was laughing too hard to hit anything. The balls kept coming she kept ducking out of the way and finally grasped the fence and leaned in towards me when I heard muffled laughter and whispering.

"Let's go." We headed back to my car and I drove off onto the highway stopping at a sign for the state line, I pull the car over." Get out. Come on."

I take Spencer's hand and pull her toward what she thinks is some invisible place.

"Where -- what -- are we --?" I don't think she knew what to ask first.

I kept tugging her. She followed me, laughing.

"Stand right here." I lean down and lift one of her feet a foot from the other. I notice a large bruise on her leg but I don't mention it and she just brushes her dress down.

"You're acting like a crazy person." Little did she know I was making a wish come true.

"You're straddling the state line. You're in two places at once." Waiting for her reaction. She's thrilled at my solution to her wish. We talk for a while, laughing and goofing around. We drive back into town and go for a short walk.

"It's places like this that make me certain there's a God. It's like the wind. I can't see it but I feel it." She looked more closely at me "Uncertainty makes you uncomfortable."

"What do you actually know with religion?"

"Wonder. Beauty. Joy. Love." She whispers the last one. She's embarrassed. She tries to avoid implying anything. My mother told me God loves so when you're feeling love, you're feeling God. I think talking about these things threatens their very beauty and mystery." Her tone is matter-of-fact. I reach forward and cup her cheek.

"I don't understand..." She whispers again.

"Maybe you're not supposed to." I moved closer.


	9. Chapter 9

"I might kiss you." Feeling drawn in by her amazing blue eyes.

Spencer just looked down away from me. Shy. "I might do it wrong."

"Not possible." I touched her neck, her cheek, and then her mouth; slowly I leant in and kissed her. I made it a tender, soft kiss and pulled away. We looked at each other a moment.

"I love you, Spencer." There, I put it out there, risked looking and feeling foolish, not the old Ashley. She looked away again. I could tell she was having mixed emotions, both happy and sad.

"Now's when you say something." After a long pause I had to say something.

"I can't…I can't -- explain." She was clearly overwhelmed.

She turns back to me, her eyes shining. She touched my face and pulled me into a kiss again, deeper this time. But after a few moments, she drops her chin onto my shoulder. Smiling, glowing even, but slightly aloof, she was adorable. I pulled away slightly to study her

Face, touching her cheek.

"You make me feel..."

"Loved?" I asked hopeful.

"That. And less strange." Back smiling at me. Tears were running down her cheeks so I wiped them away with my thumbs. I took her hand, kissing it and lead her back to the car.

When we got to her house I walked her to the door following her up the steps. The lights in the living room were on and through the windows; we could see her father taking down the Christmas tree.

"Be very quiet." She whispers to me in my ear sending shivers down my spine. I pull her to me and kiss her with passion. The front door opens.

"Hello, Ashley." He seemed embarrassed.

We separated, but I kept an arm over her shoulder. "Hey, Reverend." I turned and whispered "Happy New Year." To Spencer and headed home.

The next day I woke up early once again it being the New Year and all that, I decided it was time for a new start. I picked Spencer up for school, walking past Aiden, Clay and Kelly I nod to them but they just glare back. We arrive at my locker. It's been kicked in.

"Assholes. This happen to you?"

"Twice a year." She said smirking.

So I kicked in every locker in my row, I could feel her watching and I could tell she was a little frightened by my anger, so I turned to her and grin widely. "Now they all match."

After many boring lessons and listening to the teachers drone on it was finally lunch, I sat in the cafeteria eating alone, ignored by Aiden and Clay. Spencer approached with her tray, red-faced, tearful. She hesitates about sitting, obviously feeling bad that I've being ostracized. She thinks I don't see he, so as she turns to leave, I pull a chair out for her and smile. She sits down and I know she has been crying, a lot.

"Come on." I say pulling her to her feet. "We are getting away from here."

I took her to the one place I felt I could go when I needed to think, to get away, to the top of the tall steel tower. It had a small 360 degree overlook of the town and she was amazed at the view.

"How do you know this place?"

"Before the divorce. My father used to take me here. Fire spotting was his summer job."

I pointed out that you could see the curve of the horizon, where sea meets sky. "From here he proved to me the earth isn't flat… On rainy days, we'd be above the clouds."

I pulled a deck of cards from my jacket pocket. We sat and I started to shuffle, not too well I might add, she looked from me to the cards, takes the deck and shuffled like a card shark. Impressed I asked her to teach me some tricks and we stayed just like this laughing and joking until the end of school. I do believe it's the first time Miss Carlin has skived.


	10. Chapter 10

It was late evening and Spencer had rung me to see if I wanted to go planet spotting with her, which of course I did. We found a comfortable spot and I opened my backpack to pull out the contents. I got out the Thermos of hot coffee and a blanket. She gave me a funny look "You planned this."

"Hoped for it." I corrected there was a long pause.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" She sounded fairly worried but I played along.

"No. Why? Are you seducible?"

"No." She said firmly but she was still smiling straight at me. I knew she wasn't and I didn't want to rush anything.

"That's what I thought." I reached back into my backpack to get out a second blanket. "Ergo, a second blanket. One for me, one for you." I handed her one. She took it, smiling, reassured.

We were looking at the heavens through the telescope "What's the best thing I can see tonight?"

"Me." Confidently stated. She was right; she was the best thing I would see, the most beautiful. I draw her close, and kiss her lightly. She shyly pulls away, but I kept hold of her hand. I'd do anything just to be still touching her. She looks again into the telescope eyepiece. "The second best thing is Jupiter." She swivelled the telescope into position for Jupiter and steps aside so I can look.

Time for my surprise, I picked up the flashlight, and pulled a diagram from my pocket. "Can you locate XXI5639I?" She takes the diagram, studies it, and adjusts the scope.

"Here. Why am I looking at this star?"

"Because I had it named for you. I know it's not an official designation." She couldn't be happier as she took my hand once more.

"It's wonderful. I love you." It's the first time I've heard it and it was the best feeling in the world. I pulled her into my arms and kiss her so passionately; I wanted her to feel everything she means to me in the kiss. She starts to object but I respect her boundaries, I pull away. We remain close in a comfortable silence.

"What's number one?" I had to ask, I wanted to make her every wish come true. There was a long pause and I could tell she was fighting with herself whether to tell me or not.

"In April when the dogwoods and wisteria are blooming... Get married." She whispered suddenly getting shy on me. I didn't make fun of it, I just stroke her hair and kiss her forehead.

We went back to Spencer's house because her dad had rung to say she had to be home when he invited for dinner the next evening I didn't refuse. This was my chance to show him I could be good for his daughter.

We were all eating dinner in silence until Reverend Carlin spoke up.

"Ashley, You're not the quiet type. Talk to us about something."

"Like what, sir?" I searched my mind for just the right subject but couldn't think.

"How about your family?"

"Okay. Sure. My grandfather. When he was seven, he shook the hand of an old guy, a war vet or something, who had once shaken President Lincoln's hand…Made a big impression on him. My cousin Mike, He's from a big family. He's the fifth kid. He heard that every fifth child in the world is Chinese. So he thought he was." Spencer smiled so I continued. "We didn't tell him any different for years. My parents have been divorced since I was five. My mom is a cocktail waitress has been for about nine years we get by. I met the Reverend's eyes and for the first time I saw a little respect.

The evening went well and I think I was a hit, I kissed Spencer on the cheek and wished them both goodnight.


	11. Chapter 11

Next day we were driving towards the centre of town to grab a bite to eat I noticed Spencer was quieter than usual. "You worried about your college applications?"

"I'm not applying to college, you assumed." I looked at her, questioning but she was looking out her window.

"You're going to take a year off? Join the Peace Corps?"

"Pull over. Now. Please." Tears are running down her face so pulled the car over. She got out of the car and I quickly followed, she turned back to face me "I'm sick." I tried to take her arm but she shook it off and stepped back, her eyes pleading to be heard and understood. "Ashley… I'm sick – with leukaemia…"

Just like that my world fell apart I tried to say something but nothing came out. I felt like my soul was numb. "I found out last winter. I'm not responding to treatment anymore."

"Why didn't you tell me?" My face crumpled with pain and anguish.

"The doctors said to do everything the same as long as possible. I didn't want anyone being weird around me. Especially you! God gives me an illness, then you its like a cruel joke!"

She got in the car slamming her door shut. I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Frozen in place letting it all sink in. Finally I moved to drive her back home. We pulled up in front of Spencer's house after a long quiet ride.

"I'm not letting you die." Looking straight at her seeing such sympathy and sorry in her eyes, but what I want doesn't matter. "How long?

"Two, three months. Maybe less. Maybe more."

"So you've given up." Challenge in my voice.

"The doctors have. I'm still praying for a miracle" As she said it I understood, her ambition, her list. I left and sped towards the only person I knew who had the money to help her.

I stood staring at my father's house. Finally, ringing the resounding ding-dong bell, then I bang on the heavy wood door, taking out my anger on it, grief-stricken.

"Mr Davies! … Davies!! … Dad!" I screamed. "Please!! I have to talk to you!!" I break down in tears when my dad comes out and wraps me in his arms. "You have to save her, my girlfriend Spencer, she has cancer I need money for the best treatment, a cure, right now!"

"It's the middle of the night –" He starts but I cut him off angrily. "I don't give a shit what time it is!"

"Ok, ok, I'll get it!" With that I took off to Spencer's. I found myself on her porch not really remembering when I got here my mind was going a mile a minute. Before I rung the bell, the front door opens. The Reverend.

"Where's Spencer?!"

"At school. Where you should be."

Oh. Oops.

I quickly head to school rushing to find her. The corridors were all deserted but I saw her at the top of the stairs, running to her sliding to a stop. We face each other, but neither of us was sure what to say. So I start.

"I'm so sorry. I'm a coward –"

"I should have told you sooner –" We both said together then smiled.

"I made you do too many things, kept you up all night." I told her feeling guilty as I said it.

"No. The drugs just stopped working. If anything, doing things I love kept me healthy longer."

"Are you frightened?" Unsure what her reaction would be.

"All the time. I feel like I have no one." She means not even God and I understand that.

"You have me." I say reassuring her, hugging her close, rocking her, comforting her and myself.

"Help me live until I die?" She muttered into my chest.

"I will." And I would, forever, as long as I could.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey thanks for everyone who has been reviewing, I love to know what you think, only two more chapters to go after this one! Hope you like it :)**

After a few weeks, I cleared out Spencer's locker and got excused from school to help her; the head even said he would tutor me so I would graduate. I wanted to do everything I could for her in the little time she had left. I headed upstairs to give her the contents from her locker when she asked me to dance because she felt like it. I didn't want to tell her I couldn't so I faked it the best I could. A short time after, I felt her slip, suddenly too exhausted to carry her weight. I caught her before she fell and gently carried her back to bed, settling her in. "How you doing?"

"Tired." She murmured.

I sat on her bed stroking her hair looking at her intensely and she was doing the same right back. I reached for her hand but when I looked at her face again, she was asleep.

Deciding to let her rest I set out to buy her a brand new bigger telescope with my savings to buy a new car. When my mum came rushing out, to tell me Spencer had been admitted to hospital. I dropped everything in extreme panic, headed for the hospital.

I saw Spencer lying in bed, eyes closed. Hooked to monitors, pumps, an IV drip. I kept hold of her hand. Reverend Carlin talks quietly with a doctor judging by his face he was hearing bad news.

I awoke curled up to Spencer's bed still holding onto her hand. I felt her move and she opened those beautiful eyes of hers. Sleepily. Closes her eyes again. I rest my head on her shoulder and weep. Her arm rubs my back slightly, and then drops to the bed again. There's nothing to say.

Spencer seemed to look smaller her eyes now had dark circles beneath them. I look out of the window while she sleeps the sky is greyer, darker.

"Hi." Comes softly from behind me. I go to her side.

"Hey." Kissing her lightly.

"I have something for you." She reaches under her pillow and hands me a worn book "Don't worry it's not a bible. It belonged to my mother, it's her favourite book full of good quotes from lots of different types of people."

I knelt on the floor and put my head on her pillow next to hers.

"I believe God sent you to me because I am ill. To help me through." I touched her face tenderly as she said it. "I want to go home." With my dads money I knew I could arrange it, time for another surprise. As I was reading to her from her mothers book, Isabel, her student, walked in. Spencer saw her too and smiled weakly.

I handed her the book and she started from where I left off stumbling but reading. Spencer grinned." Who's been working with you?" Isabel looked shyly at me and Spencer looked to me amazed, her blue eyes twinkling once more. I was glad I had this idea, I was glad I could make her smile.

After Isabel had left she fell asleep again, I left her in peace and went home to make the arrangements to get her moved back home and to get the telescope, once that was in my boot I headed inside back to Spencer's side to try and get some sleep. Taking her hand again I drifted off.

Next morning the nurses and doctors helped us move her back home thanks to my dad's money. I sat by her side while she slept some more after the move she was pretty tired, I stroked her arm until I too fell asleep.

When Spencer opens her eyes the next morning I was next to her ready, showered and in clean clothes. I was taking her out, the nurse unhooked her IV and I carried her downstairs. Then ran back up to get several blankets for her. She sees the telescope I bought her and looks up at me "It's beautiful... Thank you… I don't know what we'll be able to see... Help me stand."

"Wait a sec." She turns to me, questioning, when the neighbourhood suddenly darkens as the street lamps and lights in every nearby house are switched off. The neighbours step outside holding up binoculars. Members of the Star Club and other students look through traditional telescopes.

"We have five minutes before Haley's Comet comes into view." She hugs me as tightly as her strength would allow her to, tears streaming, as she braces herself against me and peers into the telescope eyepiece.

"The comet of the century..." She's completely engrossed. There was a long, quiet moment, until I decided to ask her.

"You love me?" As loudly as I could manage.

She leans away from the eyepiece and looks at me – "Yes."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Ashley. I can't even do for myself."

"But if you could, you would?"

"Yes." This was it.

"Will you marry me?" My throat tightened with nervousness, with hope, fear, sadness, and love.

"Yes" My heart swelled up like it would burst, you know like when you see a really cute puppy? That's how it is with Spencer everyday. I wanted to spend the rest of my time with her making her feel the same.

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	13. Chapter 13

A sea of pink, purple, and white blossoms with roses was Spencer's theme choice for the wedding. I can't believe I was getting married, she said yes! Spencer said yes! We invited everyone I wanted everyone to see the beautiful girl I was going to love as long as I live, to make sure everyone saw me confess my undying love for her.

I stood at the front of the church as the wedding march began. The double doors at the back of the church opened and everyone turns to look at the bride. I heard gasps of joy and sadness.

Flanked by a nurse and Reverend Carlin. She's wearing a gorgeously made dress. It hangs loosely, but still becomes her. She's a beautiful bride. I couldn't stop staring as tears came to my eyes. I swelled with pride. She looked me in the eyes the whole way down the aisle leaning on her father; in the pews few dry eyes follow her. She stops halfway to catch her breath. A moment later, she and her father continue. When she made it to the front after a long and difficult walk, she stood in front of me with tears in her eyes too. How far we had come, how much I had changed all because of her. Each step we made together has leaded us here, it really has been a challenge but we made it together.

It was our walk to remember.

The nurse had rolled a wheelchair up as Spencer and her father near. When she got to the front applause broke out. She took the seat exhausted so I kneeled beside her to be the same height as my beautiful bride in her chair.

Reverend Carlin, standing, leans down to kiss Spencer's cheek. I could tell he was trying to keep his emotions in check he then kneels, too.

I felt Spencer slip her right hand into mine, her father's hand in her left, linking the three of us together. Then everything went quiet and I knew this was really happening.

Reverend Carlin began the service. "As a father, I'm supposed to give away my daughter. But I can no more give Jamie away than I can give away my heart. But I can let another share in the joy she has given me. May God's blessings be with you both" He reached out, offering me a hand to complete the circle.

"Ashley, repeat after me. Do you take…"

As the words are spoken and vows and rings exchanged, we gazed into each other's eyes. We were now wife and wife, I could not describe how happy I was, content so much so that I needed nothing more then her hand in mine.

Spencer's dad then began reading a passage from the book Jamie's mother made for her. His voice soft and melodious, like a poet reading his own work.

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offence and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes..."

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Thanks to everyone still reading :), only one chapter left :( Don't forget to review :)


	14. Chapter 14

**So this is the last chapter guys :( **December 2020.

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Thirty-three years old and I feel like I'm a teenager taking those vows again. All this time without her and yet she was with me every step of the way. I drove my Porsche past a rummage sale and looked at all the people scurrying around too busy to even appreciate someone was watching, envying them. I turned and slowed in front of the huge Southern Baptist church. I reached out to adjust my side mirror, looking at my simple gold wedding band. I knew I had to do this, for me, for her.

I turned my car into a driveway just past the church and head for a cluster of buildings, behind the buildings to the house right by the cemetery. I go up the walkway and onto the front porch. I press the doorbell and am greeted by the nurse that opens the door. I entered quietly. I was winter now and cold I wiped my feet on the floor as the nurse disappears, leaving me waiting looking at a framed photo of Spencer as Lizzie in The Rainmaker...

The nurse returns, helping an old man as he shuffles in, Reverend Carlin. He's stooped, thin, and balding, his skin was parchment thin. I leant forward and embraced him, stiff, uncomfortable, uncertain.

"You've been well?"

"Yes. You?" I could tell that he wasn't but was polite.

"Getting by." Probably wondering why I'm here.

"I'm… I'm returning something." I twist the ring on my finger to remove it. "This belongs to you." I give him my wedding ring. I searched for the right words to say, something meaningful after all these years.

"She taught me everything. She saved my life." He turned away, overcome with sadness. I think he knew now why I had come.

"You're marrying again."

"Yes." I reply weakly.

"Spencer wanted that. She told me." I knew because she had told me before she passed but I was grateful to hear it from her father.

"I'm sorry she never got her miracle." It was the only thing on her list I couldn't tick off, everything else we had done or I had done for her.

"She did. It was you." Deeply touched, I hugged the old man again, this time warmly, fully.

I said goodbye and left the Carlin house for the last time.

* * *

Spencer once said when you're feeling love, you're also feeling God. She made me a believer, in love and in life. In the journey that never ends and in the mystery of all things you can't see but feel everywhere around you...

I close my eyes. She's there...

One last time I see her beautiful face and hear her last words "You're my angel, I love you" I knew it wasn't the end, I knew we would meet again and that she was happy, at peace.

After all, _I was her angel._

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**I've really enjoyed writing this :) Thanks to all those who have reviewed and favourited this story, even to those that just read. It has been a pleasure! The End!**


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